Friday, October 4, 2013

The Jet Stream is Just God Pushing You Along Faster (May 8, 1997)

Hey, remember that Saturday Night Live sketch where Tina Fey and Amy Poehler played Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton, and Fey/Palin said that global warming is "just God hugging us closer"?  Ha!  Parody. We laugh because it's not real!  What's that, Pat Robertson?
“Put God's laws to work for you!…If I can get a jet airplane up into the jet stream going from west to east, the law of God works for me, and I start going about 100 miles an hour faster.  I was in a plane coming back from someplace on the West Coast…it was real slow going out, but coming back, we got in the jet stream, and it was about 100 miles an hour of extra speed! Because God's law was carrying us along!”
God pushes you faster when you fly from the west to the east, but he's a real sonofabitch if you fly in the other direction.  Maybe he's afraid we'll find out that if you fly east-to-west fast enough, you can in fact stop the earth's rotation, reverse it, and turn back time.  But how else could we save Lois Lane from the earthquake?  She has to live!  If only for the sequels!

No comments:

Post a Comment