Skewering Pat Robertson and The 700 Club, Past and Present Jeremy Parker, Blogmaster
Why is this blog featuring years-old clips from the 1990s? Read the introductory page. Not at all affiliated with Marion G. ("Pat") Robertson, The 700 Club, or the Christian Broadcasting Network.
Just yesterday morning I wrote how Pat Robertson forgot that he himself performed the exorcism he said he had "heard about" someone else performing. Then I dismissed the possibility of Alzheimer's Disease because you'd imagine that sort of occasional mind-wipe would be obvious on live-to-tape television.*
But after yesterday's broadcast, I'm not so sure. Okay, it might not be Alzheimer's, but clearly there's something not right with Pat's brain—I mean beyond the usual things not right with his brain (like his worldview and his ideology and his extremism)—because Pat was losing focus more often than a non-union film projectionist.
Here's the rundown:
Did Someone Use a Satellite to Take Control of the Missing Malaysian Airliner Like a Bond Villain? Eh, Let's Talk About Something Else.
The Republicans Won a Special-Election That Was a Referendum on Obamacare! Oh Wait, No It Wasn't.
And Now for No Immediate Reason, Here's Some Chocolate
Yea, Christian Movies! Awww, I Miss Mel Gibson, Can't We Get Him Back?
People Just Don't Want to Believe Because Evolution and the Scientific Method
Once again, a viewer question to Pat Robertson yesterday gave the world another opportunity to point and laugh at him and/or shake our heads in disgust at him. This time, a woman asked Pat if the horror movie she saw one night caused demons to crash her car the next day at church. And of course Pat said that could be the case because don't you know demons are real?
The beginning of Pat's reply isn't the meat of his answer, but I need to highlight it for my purposes here:
“A few years ago, I heard about a teenage girl who was demon-possessed. And people began to deal with the demon and try to cast it out. And you know what the demon said? ‘I had permission.‘ And the permission was granted when this child had gone to some XX-rated movie, or whatever it was, and had allowed this thing to come into her.”
A few years ago, I HEARD ABOUT a teenage girl.
I think Pat's being modest, because here he is in 1997 (a few years ago?) telling pretty much the same story, except HE WAS THE EXORCIST on that poor demon-possessed girl:
“I personally have been involved in casting those things out of people. One young girl in particular. And I had the thing talk to me and say, ‘You can't have her, she's mine.’ And I said, ‘Oh no, you don't understand—Jesus is going to have her and you're going to let her go!’ But the little girl—tiny little girl; I mean, she was 17 but just tiny—said, ‘You can't have her, she's mine.’ Well, that's Satan talking.”
Okay, so the 1997 version doesn't have the dirty-movie part, and You can't have her, she's mine isn't quite the same as I had permission. But I can pretty much guarantee you that Pat Robertson has told versions of this exorcism story many, many times over the years, and people often tend to embellish certain details in repeating their stories. And I had permission definitely sounds more badass, which is what you want for something coming from, y'know, SATAN. Besides, why would anyone swap out their very own bona fide exorcism story with one they "heard" someone else did?
Maybe he legitimately forgot that that was his own story and instead remembers it as happening to someone else. I know that sounds a little like Alzheimer's, but I know that's not the case with Pat—when he's hosting a TV show for an hour, that level of dementia would be patently obvious, especially if he's answering viewer questions completely off the cuff, oftentimes supplying the same answer that he has for years and years. But the man is 83, and he's definitely not as sharp as he once was.
The only conclusion that makes any sense is that the exorcism story is all one big invention. I don't believe for one second that some girl was actually possessed by Satan and went all Regan MacNeil on anyone, and I'm guessing if you're reading this, neither do you. Pat Robertson lied in 1997 about actually performing a real-live exorcism on someone, and he forgot about that part when he re-told the story yesterday—because when you lie, you sometimes forget the lies you told when you came up with the lie. Remember where I wrote two paragraphs back that people tend to add embellishments to their stories the more they tell them? That's especially the case when the story isn't true to begin with. Any police detective will tell you that criminals under interrogation get caught in their lies when they contradict themselves on the details, because you can never keep track of the elaborations of the lie you're concocting better than remember the truth that really happened.
So maybe Pat wasn't any kind of exorcist on any demon-possessed girl. But you'll still have to pry that "Pat Robertson Was the Exorcist" headline of mine from my cold, dead hand.
_____________
By the way, that video I posted of "Pat Robertson, Exorcist" has so much more after the portion I focused on: an earlier iteration of "miracles don't happen in America because we're too sophisticated," a brief disquisition on heavy metal lyrics, the demon Abaddon the Destroyer (who is, remember, totally real and not something out of Ghostbusters)—even a Bob Dylan quote! (Granted, from one of the Christian albums.) All leading up to his prayer with the audience to cast Satan out, a piece of work that tracks like it's a version in miniature of his supposed exorcism. Enjoy. Or facepalm or headdesk or vomit, your choice.
If you haven't read the introductory post, or noticed from some of the other posts, this blog is going to be spending a lot of time around 1997. In a bid to avoid taunts of irrelevance, we'll be posting current Pat Robertson/700 Club clips on a regular basis. You may also notice that compared to the robust Pat Robertson of yesteryear, today's 83-year-old version is—how can I put this delicately?—comparatively enfeebled. (Was that delicate enough? I did say "comparatively.")
The U.S. unemployment report for August 2013 was 7.3%, or 11.3 million Americans who are looking for work. The report was released at 8:30 AM on Friday, September 6, but The 700 Club, which airs at 10 AM, did not make mention of the report. Nor did its CBN News segments on the following Monday, September 9, mention the report, either. Instead, we were treated to this from Pat Robertson:
“We understand that there are ninety million people—ninety million people—out of work in America right now… It approaches the Great Depression time.”
And no, he did not say "nineteen"—a number that is still wrong, not to mention larger than the worst unemployment level of the 2007-09 recession—he clearly said "ninety." And of course, longtime co-host Terry Meeuwsen sat stunned and gasped, "That's unbelievable!" because even if she knew Pat was wrong—and it's not clear whether she recognized his blunder—you simply do not correct Pat Robertson on the air of his own show. Or maybe she wanted us to take "That's unbelievable!" literally. Because it is unbelievable that 90 million people—58% of the workforce—are unemployed. (That 58%, by the way, would more than double the unemployment rate of the Great Depression at its worst, not just "approach" it.)
It's enough to make you wonder whether Pat's going senile, but no one has the power to tell him it's time to retire from the show.
